


I'll Take Care Of You (Because You Refuse To)

by fullmetalheart



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, and yosuke's pesky internalized homophobia, as most things do, featuring souji's inability to take care of himself, fellas is it gay to wash your best friend's hair?, this got gayer than i originally intended, yosuke says it isnt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 08:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19849780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetalheart/pseuds/fullmetalheart
Summary: Souji did not fall asleep. He stared upwards at the dark ceiling. Eventually, Yosuke’s breathing evened out. Souji remained awake.He rolled over onto his side, curling into himself. His cheek pressed against his pillow. His throat ached and his eyes burned. For a brief, fierce moment, Soujihatedhimself.Souji didn’t remember falling asleep. He did not dream of happy things.





	I'll Take Care Of You (Because You Refuse To)

**Author's Note:**

> Listen. I spent about an hour trying to figure out what name to give the protagonist. Both names are So Valid. I decided to just stick with the manga names for all of them.

“You should go home,” said Adachi.

Some distant part of Souji acknowledged the words, but his brain didn’t quite register the meaning behind them. He stared at the sterile tile floor of the hospital. His vision swam with exhaustion and stale frustration. The crushing inability to do absolutely _anything_ made his tongue taste bitter.

Adachi frowned at the lack of answer and he waved a hand in front of Souji’s face. “Hello? Anyone home?”

Souji blinked, slowly coming back to reality. He gave Adachi a weak smile.

“Sorry, I’m just tired.”

Souji registered his teammates exchanging worried glances and he bit his tongue. That would be the last time he would say anything about how he was feeling. He didn’t want to make them worry. That wasn’t fair to them.

“You should definitely head home then,” said Adachi.

Souji said nothing. His eyes flickered to the door leading to Nanako’s room. Last time he’d checked the heart monitor had been beeping steadily, but…

He didn’t want to go home.

Adachi sighed. “Dojima-san wouldn’t want you not taking care of yourself. He’ll be here if anything new happens. Go home.”

Souji set his jaw, irrational stubbornness welling up within his chest.

Naoto opened her mouth to say something, but Yosuke suddenly cut her off.

“How about you guys head out? I’ll stay here a bit longer with Souji and make sure he gets home in one piece.” Yosuke put a hand on Souji’s shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. Somewhere beneath all of the pain and the anger, he felt immense affection surge forward for his friend.

Yosuke’s words seemed to appease the others. They began to leave.

Chie gently bumped her fist against his bicep. Rise gave him a quick hug that he barely returned. Kanji paused, opened his mouth to say something, before slumping his shoulders and walking away without a word. Eventually, the only people left were Yosuke, Souji, and Adachi.

Adachi gave Yosuke a skeptical glance.

“I’ll get him home, Adachi-san,” Yosuke promised.

Adachi stared at them for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. “Just don’t stay out too late. Dojima-san would kill me if I let anything happen to him.”

“Got it,” said Yosuke with a nod.

Souji heard the sound of footsteps retreating, and then it was just the two of them.

“Hey, Partner,” said Yosuke, voice soft, “Adachi was right. We should leave.”

Souji opened his mouth to protest.

“Would you stop it with that complex of yours?” Yosuke interrupted him before he could even begin.

Souji stared at him blankly. “What complex?”

Yosuke snorted. “That thing you do where you help everyone and never even stop to think about yourself. That’s totally a complex dude.”

Souji’s eyebrows furrowed. It was the closest expression to a scowl Yosuke had ever seen him make.

“I don’t have a complex,” said Souji.

“Then leave with me right now,” said Yosuke.

Souji opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and then snapped it shut with a frustrated huff.

“I see what you did there.”

Yosuke grinned. “Pretty sly, right?”

Souji hummed in agreement. “You’re smarter than people give you credit for.”

“And if you’re trying to flatter your way out of being dragged out of this hospital then you’re in for a rude awakening.”

“Oh,” said Souji. “Damn.”

Yosuke only laughed and offered him his hand. “C’mon Partner, we still gotta catch the bus.”

Souji shot one last look at Nanako’s door before accepting Yosuke’s help.

As soon as Yosuke pulled him to his feet, his vision swam again. He noticeably swayed. Yosuke made a small noise of alarm and reached out to steady him.

“Woah there,” he said. “When was the last time you ate?”

Souji shrugged. “Don’t remember.”

Yosuke sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright. We’ll find you some food. You should have something at your house, right?”

“Probably,” said Souji. “I’m not hungry.”

“Sure you aren’t,” said Yosuke, herding him down the hallway.

“I’m _not_.”

They continued in a similar fashion, Yosuke leading Souji out of the hospital and prodding him into gentle conversation.

Luckily, they managed to catch the last bus of the night heading to Inaba as it was about to leave. Midway through the short ride, Souji dozed off. His head dropped onto Yosuke’s shoulder. Yosuke immediately stiffened because _that was pretty fucking gay_. But the bus was empty save for them, and Souji really _was_ asleep. He deserved the rest, so Yosuke spent the rest of the ride struggling not to move every time the bus took a turn. His cheeks were slightly pink as he shook his friend awake.

They walked to the Dojima residence mostly in silence. Souji’s mood got more and more subdued as they approached the empty house. Finally, they paused in front of the door, staring at the depressingly dark windows.

“Hey um, can I crash at your place tonight?” Yosuke asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

Souji looked at him in surprise.

“I don’t really feel like walking all the way home. I asked my parents and they were cool with it.”

Souji just stared at him. Yosuke rocked back onto his heels, feeling more and more awkward by the second.

“It’s fine if you don’t want me to,” Yosuke blurted out. “I’ll just go now!” He turned to walk away, but Souji’s hand was grabbing his arm before he could take a step.

“No, it’s okay,” he said quietly. “I don’t like how the house feels when it’s empty.”

“Oh, okay then,” said Yosuke. They stood there awkwardly for a moment, before Souji pulled out his key and unlocked the door. Yosuke followed him inside.

“You should eat something,” said Yosuke hesitantly. Souji just shook his head. He didn’t even spare the kitchen a glance as he passed by it. Instead, he made his way directly up the stairs and into his room, with Yosuke trailing behind him.

Souji paused in the doorway. Yosuke bumped into him with a quiet _oof_.

“What is it?” Yosuke asked, peering around his friend’s shoulder. Souji didn’t reply, just stared blankly into the dark bedroom.

Yosuke sighed and gently pushed Souji into his room. He flicked on the light, illuminating the space they had just entered.

Souji’s room was as neat as always; his bed was made, desk empty of clutter, shelves clear of any dust. It felt so normal – _too_ normal – and Souji found himself teetering on the edge of something akin to a breakdown.

But he couldn’t. Not with Yosuke in the room with him.

“You got anything I can wear to bed?” Yosuke asked, flopping onto Souji’s couch with a sigh of relief. “I didn’t pack anything.”

Souji just nodded. He rifled through his drawers, selecting a pair of pants and a shirt he usually slept in. Yosuke accepted them with a thanks _._ They looked at each other for a moment. Yosuke’s face turned a bit red in embarrassment.

“R-Right. I’ll go change,” said Yosuke. He disappeared into the hallway, presumably to find the bathroom.

Souji sank down onto the edge of his bed. He propped his elbows on his knees and buried his face into his hands.

Nanako had looked so small in that hospital bed. Her skin had been ashen. When he closed his eyes, Souji could see her lying there. _His_ fault. He should have lied to Dojima. He should have been more convincing. He should have done _something_.

His thoughts spiraled downwards, getting darker and darker. It had been so easy to picture her _dead_. A shudder racked through his body.

“Souji?”

Souji flinched as if he had just been caught doing something he wasn’t allowed to do.

“Sorry,” he apologized far too quickly. Yosuke frowned, but Souji was already brushing past him to get the bathroom.

“I’ll get the spare futon out for you,” said Souji once he had returned.

Yosuke stopped him. “You don’t need to. The couch is fine.”

Souji raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”

“Yeah man.”

“Okay.”

Not many words were exchanged after that. Souji had never been particularly chatty. He preferred to let others do the talking, nodding and giving short responses at the right moments. This was usually fine, because his friends talked more than enough to fill his silence. But even Yosuke, who typically liked to talk his ear off, didn’t feel like talking.

Souji turned off the lights and crawled into his bed.

“Goodnight, Partner.”

“Goodnight.”

Souji did not fall asleep. He stared upwards at the dark ceiling. Eventually, Yosuke’s breathing evened out. Souji remained awake.

He rolled over onto his side, curling into himself. His cheek pressed against his pillow. His throat ached and his eyes burned. For a brief, fierce moment, Souji _hated_ himself.

Souji didn’t remember falling asleep. He did not dream of happy things.

Yosuke woke in an unfamiliar room to the sound of a shower running. He blinked a few times, trying to orient himself, before he remembered that he had spent the night over at the Dojima residence.

The room was still dark. He glanced over at Souji’s alarm clock. It was four in the morning. Souji’s bed was empty.

_Why is he showering at 4 AM?_

Yosuke sat up. His blanket slid off of his body and fell into a heap on the floor. He stood up and maneuvered awkwardly through the dark bedroom. He managed to reach the door, only banging his shins painfully into the coffee table once.

Yosuke approached the bathroom, face uncertain. The sound of the shower got louder. The door was slightly open. Light spilled into the dark hallway.

Yosuke inhaled. Exhaled.

He knocked on the door. “Souji? What’re you doing?”

No reply.

He knocked again. “Partner?”

Silence.

Yosuke groaned and scratched the back of his head. “You better have clothes on because I’m coming in!”

Souji didn’t protest, so Yosuke covered his eyes with one hand and pushed the door all the way open with the other.

“Oh. Hey, Yosuke.”

Yosuke could barely hear him over the shower. At the sound of his friend’s voice, he peaked through his fingers.

Souji was sitting on the floor of the shower, hugging his knees to his chest. He had managed to get his shirt off, but had somehow forgotten about his pants. The fabric was completely soaked through. Yosuke sighed in relief when he noticed that Souji’s bottom half was covered, and he dropped his hand from his eyes.

“Dude. What are you doing?”

Souji looked up at him. His normally shiny, silver hair was a depressing, muted gray. It was plastered to the side of his face. Water dripped down the arch of his nose and off the end of his chin.

Souji blinked once. Twice.

“I have no idea.”

Yosuke resisted the urge to laugh. That would probably be insensitive. Instead, he sighed and made his way towards Souji.

“Any chance you want to get up from there?” Yosuke asked.

Souji placed his chin on his knees. “Not really.”

Yosuke stood in the doorway for a second, watching him.

He remembered Souji laughing at a joke no one else in their group understood. He remembered Souji dropping all of his plans to help him out with a shift at Junes. He remembered Souji pulling him into a hug, letting Yosuke sob into his shoulder.

There was no way in _hell_ he was going to leave his best friend like this.

Yosuke sat down by the bathtub. For a moment he was distracted by a drop of water that trailed behind Souji’s ear and slid down further to trace a line over his collarbone.

Woah there, that was _really_ gay.

He ignored the way his face was starting to heat up and he spoke.

“Were you trying to shower?”

Souji nodded. He picked at the wet fabric of his sweatpants.

“It didn’t work out too well,” he said. His voice was entirely matter of fact. This time, Yosuke let himself laugh.

He looked at the untouched bottle of shampoo. The idea of running his hands through Souji’s hair wasn’t entirely a bad one…

Studiously ignoring all of the implications of _that_ particular thought, he made a reaching motion towards the bottle.

“Pass me that. I’ll wash your hair for you.”

Souji stared at him.

“C’mon man,” Yosuke complained. “Don’t make it weird.”

Souji’s lips curled upwards into something like a smile. He passed Yosuke the bottle.

Souji ended up with his back pressed up against the edge of the bathtub. Yosuke knelt behind him on the bathroom floor, lathering his hands up with a healthy amount of shampoo. Souji sighed as Yosuke worked his fingers into his hair. He shivered every time Yosuke’s blunt nails scratched lightly against his scalp.

Eventually, Yosuke withdrew his hands. If Souji did not possess his immense self-control, he would’ve whined in protest.

“Go ahead and rinse.”

Souji followed the suggestion and dipped his head back under the spray. He closed his eyes so the shampoo wouldn’t get into them. He heard Yosuke rummaging around the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” He asked, eyes still shut.

“Looking for a towel.”

“Check under the sink.”

Souji heard a towel rustling, then bare footsteps against wet tile. Suddenly, the water shut off.

Souji opened his eyes. “What are you-”

A towel was thrown onto his head, cutting him off.

“Seriously?” Souji asked.

Then hands were on the towel, scrubbing his hair dry. Yosuke wasn’t rough, but he wasn’t exactly gentle either. It was enough to make Souji mildly disgruntled when he managed to escape his friend’s towel drying assault.

When Yosuke pulled the towel off his head, he laughed.

“What?” asked Souji.

“I didn’t know your hair could do that.”

“Do what?”

“Get all spiky like that.” Yosuke was still grinning.

Souji touched a hand to his hair. “It’s because you assaulted it with a towel.”

“Sorry about that,” said Yosuke with zero remorse. He leaned forward and smoothed Souji’s hair out with his fingers. Goosebumps raised all along Souji’s arm. Yosuke noticed, but thankfully did not understand the true reason behind their existence.

“Oh yeah. You’re probably freezing. Here.” Yosuke handed him the towel. “I’ll go get you some dry clothes.”

“Wait,” said Souji.

Yosuke paused. “What is it?”

Souji hugged him. Yosuke stiffened a moment before relaxing. He returned the hug, hesitantly patting him on the shoulder. It was a bit weird because Souji was still dripping wet. He also didn’t have a shirt on. It made Yosuke want to squirm away, but he didn’t.

In Yosuke’s experience, Souji wasn’t exactly a tactile person, but he didn’t exactly keep his hands to himself either. His touches were measured and calculated; equally distributed amongst their group of friends. Yosuke had seen him put an arm around Yukiko when she was upset. He had seen him squeeze Kanji’s shoulder as a physical representation of his support. He had seen him nudge Naoto’s side gently when she faltered. Mostly though, he thought of the first and last time Souji had hugged him.

Souji did not touch others for himself. Whatever desire he had for physical contact; Yosuke had no clue. Souji did not use his hugs or nudges or fist bumps for himself. Like everything else, Souji acted physically for the sake of others.

Except for now.

Yosuke wondered if Souji _was_ actually secretly tactile, because he just buried his face into Yosuke’s neck and held on for dear life. Souji’s damp hair brushed against Yosuke’s cheek, and Yosuke held his breath. He hadn’t hugged someone for this long once in his entire life. Souji’s hands on his back were a searing heat through his shirt.

Then Souji was pulling away, and the air felt colder than it had before.

Souji didn’t look embarrassed. He just smiled that small smile of his.

“Thank you.”

Yosuke’s face turned bright red. “A-Anytime, Partner!”

He bolted from the bathroom. Souji watched him go. He felt the knot underneath his sternum unravel somewhat.

This time when Souji fell asleep, he dreamt of nothing at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Would it kill me to write genuine romance? Like kissing and going out on dates? Probably. The only thing I know how to write is introspection and angst.


End file.
